Listening to Defying Gravity (sorry Wicked fans but I've never watched the musical--damn UK trip-- so I heart the Glee/Kurt version more, heh heh) and Your Guardian Angel (damn you 8059) while trying to do Literature Homework: Wuthering Heights Pairings (okay, no, and it's not even slash =.=) is not the smartest thing to do. Neither is not finishing the whole book and getting all my information from Sparknotes but whatever. I don't think blogging's very appropriate either.

Ah well.

This shall be my melancholic post (I spelt that wrong didn't I?) in which I sound very much like I did in Seconary 2 when the whole world was a ball of angst and emodom and I lived in the ecnter of it. Well, 3 years has passed and no progress has been made. (This is all thanks to Kyon by the way, whose posts just made me realize that I'm feeling almost the exact same way. *dies*)

11S07C is nice, they really are. Sure, I may feel like I'm treading through a mine-field around some people and I wish I could act more like myself around them because I feel hyper!Rei-En coming out way too often (or do I notice her more only because the Dramagirls aren't around to join me?) and she definitely is not who I am. I've got nothing against them, or against the friends I've made, it's just that... It isn't that I miss the Dramagirls because I really do. It's more than that. I don't hate going to school, I mean, I like it much less than going to St Nicholas, but it isn't something that's torturous for me.

But it's like... What's the point? I suppose, that's the only way I can put it. I've no idea what I want to do in the future (or what I want is incredibly unfeasibly, so laughable I will probably never tell anyone), I've no idea what I'm doing, where I'm going. And I just feel so... Not lost, but, directionless.

I've no idea, but this wasn't how my post was suppose to go.

Life is boring. Yeah, that's it. And I hate it. (There's no point.) I need colour, excitement, something that breaks the montony of going to school every day, coming home, trying to study but failing and falling into the temptation of coming online and wasting my hours away doing nothing the same things. Something, anything. Because I feel myself slowly dying as each day passes... Okay, I don't and I'm lapsing into emo prose but whatever, I've no idea. It's just... There's absolutely nothing.

I just wish there was something more, something different. I can't take this endless ritual of nothing, I swear, I'll die of boredom and overdose on drugs or whatever that'd cheer the day up.

I don't know. It's just so boring. I don't even know what's the point of going through all these motions, if I don't even have a goal in mind. But it's not like I'm considering suicide (because that's just dumb and I honestly would never dare to go through with it), I just can't go on like this for long.

These are the times I wish I believed in a Higher Being or whatever. But that's a discussion for another emo blog post.

There just needs to be something you know? Something that differentiates each day from the previous.

Labels: Earworrrrrm, I don't even know, Oh- look how I ramble about nothing